Welcome, dear friend...
Hello, and welcome to this site!
My name is Jadie, and although I may not know your story, or what brought you here exactly, I'm so glad you stopped by.
Let me first say, I am so sorry if you, or someone you know has experienced a miscarriage. It can be a very painful and difficult time. Sometimes not knowing what to do, how to feel, or how to go on are just some of the challenges and emotions that can happen.
My husband and I experienced a miscarriage a few years ago; we can certainly relate. That's why I created this site. To help others find hope and encouragement to go on, and to bring glory to God.
Below, I share my story of our miscarriage. I would love for you to read it and be encouraged. I also share some resources that were helpful to me.
It is truly the hope of my heart that God will bring you or your loved one comfort, hope and healing by sharing my story of what He did for me. He can do the same for you, or your loved one, dear friend.
This is my story...
In the summer of 2014 my husband and I were expecting our second child! I was about 6 weeks along and all was going well. We had a 15 month old son whom we adored and the thought of another one to come was exciting.
Within a short amount of time, I noticed some pain that seemed unusual and new to me and went to get it checked out. After an ultrasound we learned that somehow the baby had pulled away from my womb a little bit and there was a small tear where that had happened. The baby's heart rate was strong and healthy and I was told to rest as much as possible and we'd just have to see if the tear would heal.
A few days later, I could tell my body was really struggling. There was pain often with just about everything I did. My husband and I had prayed frequently asking God to heal this little tear, all the while thanking him that the baby seemed to be doing just fine. We had expressed our hearts to Him, reminding Him we wanted this baby to make it.
The next day my husband had to go on a trip for work and my mom would be taking care of my son and I for a couple of days. One of those days I was laying in the bed mid-morning, and I literally felt relief in my body from the discomfort and pain, and my body went full-swing into miscarrying. I remember feeling this literal peace wash over me when the Lord spoke to my heart that I was miscarrying. However, shortly after, I began experiencing this overwhelming sadness deep in my soul.
Since the miscarriage was all new to me, I became focused on getting through the physical pain and change that was happening as best as I could. Realizing it meant the loss of our baby was like a sadness I had never known before. I really didn't know what to think and couldn't deal with that yet. On top of that, my husband wasn't even back from his trip yet--how was I going to tell him the news?
The only comfort I could cling to at this point was the peace God gave me when the miscarriage started, the love of my dear family and friends, and knowing I wasn't alone--God was with me. I also undoubtedly knew our little one was safe with Jesus in heaven for all eternity, and we would be with him or her forever one day, too, because Jesus was in our hearts. Thank the Lord for that.
My husband returned and I told him the news. That was a hard moment for us. We eventually went in to see my doctor and of course she was so, so sorry this had happened. She mentioned this happens sometimes and it wasn't my fault.
Everything checked out okay with me physically and she said we could start trying again in a few months. She ordered some routine, post-miscarriage tests and that was that. We were headed home to our reality.
Knowing that nothing I had done to cause this was helpful and relieving to my mind, but my heart was still wrestling with feeling like it was in part my fault! Maybe I hadn't rested enough, or done just the right thing to prevent this all from happening in the first place. I was hurting emotionally. I couldn't seem to stop crying. It felt like part of my heart left me when my baby did, and it left a massive, open wound that needed help and healing. Besides that, I missed my baby terribly...
It just so happened that months prior to the miscarriage I was watching a show (Life Today) that had a guest speaker, Candise Farmer, who was talking about her book, "Green Pastures of a Barren Land", which is about finding contentment in life's desolate seasons. Candise experienced several miscarriages and shares about how God, through His Word (the Holy Bible), brought comfort, hope and healing to her and her broken heart. She candidly shares her detailed and real story, bearing all ("Green Pastures of a Barren Land", by Candise Farmer; www.enoughgraceministries.com). I
couldn't explain it, but I felt so strongly I should buy her book that day and didn't know why...so I bought it.
Fast-forward back to the story. Now that our miscarriage had taken place, my heart was desperate for help. What was God's plan with this? How do I go on? I remember praying and reading the Bible when time allowed, which was a beautiful and helpful place to start. I was also reminded of Candise's book I mentioned and began reading every word as often as I could...
Talk about helpful--honestly. I would put our son to bed at night and go read the book in the quiet of my room. It turned out to be a very sweet time between Jesus and me as I read each night. Reading Candise's book was literally like putting the most powerful healing ointment possible on the gaping wound of my heart, one page at a time. It was filled with the blessings of hearing her story (as painful as it was at times), the truths of God's Word and how it comforts, heals and restores. It gave me practical steps of how to go on after a miscarriage, or a shattered dream in life.
It was truly comforting to me to go through someone's story that was similar to mine...
I had noticed how Candise turned to God for answers and help. And God indeed gave her what she needed--hope, healing and His presence (and so much more)! I wanted to do the same for myself. So, I began trusting God was in control and that there was undoubtedly a purpose to why God allowed this little one to be taken to heaven. That was very healing to my heart. I knew God was good, and I would turn to reading His Word and spending time with Him in prayer. That was also very healing. I was finally feeling hope to go on.
I also kept hearing from other family and friends that they had gone through a miscarriage in the past, too. It was helpful to hear their stories and in return share my own. It's interesting the way God uses other people's stories to encourage us and help us go on in life with hope!
There were still days when I missed our sweet little one so much, and days where I would hear or see something that reminded me of the loss of our baby and I would burst into tears! The same thing happened to my husband--still does to both of us at times. But letting the tears out is healing, too. I've been taught those emotions need to come out to heal.
My heart began feeling more healed each day. Although I had a scar now, I felt great hope and peace. It took time for the sadness to improve, one day at a time. And, yes, I still have unanswered questions, and things I don't
understand, but I take those to God and have resolved to trust Him.
It is very healing to name your baby in heaven, so we named our baby "Dakota Riley". He or she is a precious gift from God and I want Him to use our story for His glory, and to help others. I hope it's been a blessing and encouragement to you. God bless you, dear friend.
I've put together some comforting Bible verses that I found helpful. If you would like, please click here to read them.